Life Fragments - First Fragment

"Even our identity is impermanent. There is no continual "I." What we regard as our self is simply an ever-changing bundle of fleeting feelings, sense impressions, ideas, and evanescent physical matter. One moment's identity leads to the next like one candle being lit from another"

(Living Religions --- Buddhism 110).

Life is fragmented. In most traditional eastern religions, one finds enlightenment by transcending the false linear narrative and, through that, discovering the true subject/object relationship. When you understand that all is impermanent and temporary, you can conquer the constant desire to form attachments and stop feeding the ego. The pain that comes from desire is largely due to falling victim to an erroneous paradigm, embedded in illusions of permanence and continuity. Of course, i'm not Buddhist. Well, not exactly. i'm Mormon. Mostly.

i feel like i've lived countless lives --- moments that refer to a perceived whole. i don't understand most of the moments. i'm not sure i really understand this current moment.

i had the idea yesterday to begin a series of blog posts called "life fragments." i'm going to share, as often as possible, random fragments and moments throughout my life. Some will be embarassing. Some will make me ashamed. Some will make me proud. Some will make me incredibly vulnerable. All of them will refer to the ambiguous whole. Each fragment will be a candle, staying lit long enough to spark the next fleeting moment. As appealing as this idea is, it terrifies me. i don't like being vulnerable. Posting your good, bad, and ugly moments online for anyone to see is risky. But, i've decided that i need to do it sometime. And i figure that this moment is as good as the next. And, honestly, i don't feel like i have anything to hide. i've done really bad things in my life. i've done some good things in my life. i've hurt people. i've helped people. All of these moments and memories combine to present a mosaic of how i currently identify myself. Perhaps as i venture through these fragments i'll be able to share the complexities intrinsically tied into the human condition --- or, at least, my condition. In the process, i intend to divulge my loves, losses, pain, happiness, etc. Hopefully these won't be completely boring. If they are, this might end up being a side project for myself.

For my first fragment, a song. This is a song from my high school hip-hop group M.E.D., which comprised of my brother Erik, my brother through blood brother ritual, Colin, and myself. In this song is my brother (he raps first), me (i rap second), and our friend Ernie (whose real name was Brian, but looked more like an Ernie). The song is entitled "Night Creatures." i was seventeen when this song was released.